Weird Groupies
by Curry With Named Meat
Summary: Implied humorous intimacy between Snape and the manager for Weird Sisters. Find the Metal/Punk/Rock references!
1. Piercings and Potions

It was the Yule Ball in an exceptional year. The first Triwizard Tournament in hundreds of years, and the famous wizard band, Weird Sisters, was honored to play in Hogwarts.   
Lemmy, the lead guitarist, was hauling equipment off the van when a small voice piped up from behind him. A thin blond boy was staring at him.  
"I said, excuse me." The boy tapped his foot impatiently.   
"Can I 'elp you, lad?" Lemmy asked. His hair was frizzy and black, and was currently pulled back in a ponytail lest his curls get caught under the many pounds of gear in the van.  
"I just wanted to know, you are a wizard, right?" The boy looked at him with contempt and a bit of suspicion.  
"Of course, m'boy! I was one of the worst in my class," Lemmy said. "I miss failing those exams. They were great fun." Lemmy trailed off, lost in nostalgia. "I remember some pretty wild time." His accent put about three extra syllables in both 'wild and 'time'. "Yeah, I miss that place like all 'ell sometimes."  
"What I wanted to know," the boy's cutting voice jerked Lemmy back to the present, "was why on earth you were pulling the equipment off the van like a Muggle."  
"Ah, and not wizarding it off?" The boy nodded. "Well, m'lad, a man has a very special relationship with 'is equipment." He paused and blushed. "'Is, er, band equipment. 'Is gear. Uh,y'know," h said, changing tack, "it's really a matter of natural laws. There exist certain natural laws and, um, one is that a musician 'as to be seen taking 'is gear out. I mean, 'is equipment. I mean." He turned his back to the boy and waved him away. "Get on with ya lad. You shouldn' be messing about back 'ere." The boy just stood and stared. "Well, go on! Get out o' 'ere." The boy walked off, and Lemmy could hear him say, "Musicians are crazier than I thought" in a prim little voice.  
Cindy looked at Lemmy funny as he walked in. "What took you so long?" Cindy asked, draping his snake around his neck.  
"Just some brat. Asking dumb questions."  
Cindy hissed at his snake. "Did you find your wand yet? Moving will be a lot quicker once you stop carrying all your crap in."  
Lemmy whipped around. "Just bloody shut up!" He then ran off.  
Cindy shrugged and turned back to his snake, hissing at it gently. The band manager, Theo, walked into the room. Her long blond hair covered her shoulders, obscuring a variety of tattoos. "What's Lemmy's prob?"  
Cindy stopped hissing. "Some kid was bugging him. I dunno." He hummed their hit song "Where Do You Think This Wand Is Going?" and patted his snake absentmindedly.  
Theo stared at him for a few minutes. "It never gets any less weird." Cindy cocked a heavy eyebrow. "Watching a Gryffindor snuggle a snake."  
"I suppose," replied Cindy noncommittally. He wandered off to go set up with the other band mates.   
Theo walked through the piles of equipment not yet set up. "Bonovox amplifier, check. Edge(tm) brand guitar tuner, check. Mullen sticks for Ginj, check. Clay charm strings-crap, these weight a ton-for bass, check. All our wizard stuff is here. What's with all this Muggle crap?" Theo bent down and began sorting boxes. Gingie came in, twitching a little. "Ginj, what is it with you nuts and Muggle gear? You can get a better sound with charms and magic."  
"Its not as honest sounding." Gingie twitched a little more. "Got any coffee? I'm feeling a little stimulant deprived."   
Theo bewitched a nearby cup, which filled with hot fresh coffee. Gingie gulped it down in one go. "Thanks Theo!" He ran off at full tilt.  
"Slow down Ginj, speed kills, you know." Cindy wandered into the room. "Have you seen my black eyeliner? I can't find it anywhere."  
Theo waved her wand. "Glamorus totale." A black pen popped in Cindy's hand.  
"Look, Theo, this is great for emergencies, but I need something better..."  
Ginj walked in. "Guys, I just ran into the wall and I think I hurt my wrist and..."  
Lemmy stumbled into the back room as well. "I'm sorry. One of the kids was making fun of me mole and I'm just really upset and..."  
The clamor and din of their whining voices rose around Theo and she slumped down onto one of the boxes. "I cannot wait until this night is over," she thought to herself.  
A few hours later, after sending Professor Flitwick to Hogsmeade to buy the right kind of eyeliner-surprisingly, he was a huge fan; after getting Madam Pomfrey to heal Ginj's wrist and give him yet more coffee to stop his withdrawal jitters; after holding a small meeting on tolerance with the rude child and Dumbledore; the band was onstage and rocking up a storm. Theo relaxed, but only slightly. She watched, from backstage, the awkward couples dance. She saw the famous Harry Potter, sulking a bit off to one side. The equally famous Viktor Krum danced with a remarkably beautiful young woman in blue. She watched as Severus Snape and Boris Karkaroff stormed back into the hall. Karkaroff made a rude gesture to Snape and went off again outside. She watched Snape steam.  
Theo remembered Snape pretty clearly. He was a seventh year when she was a first year. Even back then, he was a black-wearing brooding ball of anger. His lip curled back as he stared at the Weird Sisters, with Cindy writhing and singing in front. Theo watched him cut through the hall, headed back to his quarters, probably. He'd have to walk by the stage exit, thought Theo.  
"Hello, Severus," she said as he stomped by. He turned quickly, on his heel.  
"Do I know you?" he asked curtly.  
Theo smiled. "Yes, you tutored me in your seventh year. I needed help in Potions. How are you doing?"  
"I'm surprised you ended up managing a rock band, you seemed smarter than that. Currently I'm busy." Severus walked off, but not before Theo caught hold of his long black cape. In her boots she topped two meters, and consequently stared down into his eyes rather than up.  
"Why so rude to an old mate, Severus?" He sneered at her and she licked the tip of his ear with a pierced tongue. "Want to see some neat tats?"  
His eyebrow raised, a little intrigued. "I'm sure they're well done," in a voice dripping with sarcasm, "but I'm also sure that whatever you have planned I won't enjoy." His voice quavered, just a little.  
"I do love the rebel type," and with that she tossed him onto the floor backstage and followed his fall.  
  
On the drive home Theo kicked back in the back seat and smoked calmly.   
"Was it good to see old Hogwarts again, Theo?" Cindy asked. His snake was in its carrying case next to him.  
She stared off into the distance and blew a smoke ring. Turning her head quickly, she grinned briefly at Cindy. "It was great." She turned back to the view outside, Hogwarts fading in the distance. "Really great."  
  
The next morning Snape taught his Potions class with much more gentleness than any student had ever seen. "Cauldrons can be replaced, Longbottom. You can borrow another."   
"Sorry Professor Snape. My wand just kind of-poof!-pierced the bottom," Neville said. He looked tense, as if he were expecting the punishment to be sprung unexpectedly.  
"Piercings are more than adequate. I value them highly, as should we all," said Snape absently. Hermione, Ron and Harry exchanged glances. Ron leaned over and whispered something to Hermione, who blushed and whispered to Harry who stifled a giggle. He looked at Ron who nodded knowingly. The three made faces of disgust and began giggling softly behind their hands. Hermione pointed out an odd bruise on Snape's neck and they laughed harder.  
Snape put the new cauldron down in front of Neville and noticed the trio snickering to themselves. Awkwardly, he pulled the neck of his robes higher and held his hand in front of his throat, where it remained for the rest of the class. 


	2. The Weird Sisters...On Tour!

AN: A few people (OK, two) told me to add more AND I WANT TO. Theo is my invention (I stole her name and looks from the irresistibly sexy Theo of the Lunachicks)and others can feel free to borrow her giving credit where it's due and all. Lemmy is from Motorhead (Rent "Terror Firmer" by Troma to see both Lemmy, his moles and Theo. Actually, that makes three of them.) Cindy Coopie is an obvious and silly parody of Alice Cooper, Gingie a cruel and tragic parody of Ginger Baker and Georgie-Pie, with no lines, is The Quiet One. The person he's based on recently went to his eternal reward, bless him--and yes I'm pretty much disgracing his memory by featuring him in a goofy fanfic. God rest him though, The Beatles were my first musical love and this is my silly way of remembering him. Anyway ON WITH THE FUNY.  
  
  
  
  
Theo had already been awake for several hours when Cindy stumbled out of his room in the cheap hotel. Her clipboard and datebook were spread in front of her, with a variety of pamphlets on local wizard venues cluttering the table at which she sat. "Good morning Cindy, how are you?"  
  
Cindy cracked one bleary eye at her a little suspiciously. "Mstglwfzle."  
  
"Over there," she said, pointing to the buffet table. He stumbled towards the table. "You should have gotten up earlier. Georgie-Pie and I have already discussed the venues he prefers." Cindy spun slowly on his heel, clutching two-no, a third was wedged in the crook of his arms-coffee cups. His eyebrow, smudged from last night's concert, made an attempt to rise sardonically. "Honestly, if you just made the attempt you'd understand him easily."  
  
Cindy sat down, and drank deeply from the black scalding coffee. He polished off a cup in about a minute and a half without a pause. "Ack!" he coughed. He pointed his wand at his throat and muttered, "Frigidum corporis!" He picked up another cup and finished that quickly as well. "Ok, I think I'm better now. And no, I will never be able to understand him." Another cup of coffee disappeared. "And I shall never try. That's your job my dear manager."  
  
"Among my many others, of course?" Theo sighed. She shuffled the pamphlets and noticed a everyday looking couple come into the dining room. "Muggle alert," she muttered."  
  
"Wand? What wand?" said Cindy, grinning.  
  
Theo glared at the pile of adverts in her hand, willing them to make sense. Albany, New York, Baltimore, Boston...clubs and mid-sized venues all up and down the east coast begged to be filled with their eclectic brand of wizard hard rock. She started planning. Ok, if we hit NewYork first, no-Boston, that will bring some advance press. Hmm...if we hit The Rock Lobster Cauldron in Boston first, we can get some word of mouth for New York City. If we play Boston on Saturday, we can play New York the next Saturday, or Friday and fill Northern Lights in Albany on the Wednesday or Thursday. Maybe we can put in a filler date at Fat Cat's in Springfield too....hmm. She tapped her pencil back and forth in time to the music that was running through her head-Magic Shack, one of their earlier, more pop tunes. "Sign says -woooo!-stay away Muggle fools 'cause Magic rules..."  
  
Meanwhile, in a dirtier part of Theo's brain, her thoughts ran as such: Ok, That means I'll get to see Augustus Plim on Saturday in Boston, no loose ends there; I think Peter Ferris is still in the Worcestor area I'll get him; Bill is meeting with the Gringotts branch in Albany, he always like my ass; and in New York I'll get to see Peter Steele for the first time in a decade. This cross-Atlantic tour isn't nearly as terrible as I thought it would be. She grinned to herself slightly.  
  
  
Cindy gyrated on the stage, his hand on his stomach. "I've never eaten so much clam chowder in my life. I think I'm gonna spew."  
  
Lemmy, his face a picture of concern, stood up from beneath the stage where he had been setting up Sparkling Spry FX fireworks. He placed a bucket onto the stage, formerly filled with the fireworks "If you're goin' to spew, spew in this, mate."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Theo had, thankfully, gotten away without enjoying the incredibly thick clam chowder of Boston by pleading vegetarianism. It smelled good, but once inside the stomach...she shuddered slightly. "OK, gentlemen, we go on in about three hours. We should be done setting up in an hour. Are we on schedule?" She looked to Cindy, carrying his snake in its carrying case.  
  
"I'm on schedule. I've got the Bonovox system to set up, and a few Dulcis charms to do, but I'm doing well." Theo turned sharply to Lemmy.   
  
"I've got to tune my baby with the Edge(tm) but I'm ahead o' schedule." Lemmy gave Theo a big thumbs up.  
  
"Ginjie?"  
  
"Um..." He twitched. "Could someone pick me up a cuppa? But...ah! Yeah, I'm OK. Gotta put a Samba Charm on my sticks. Better rhythm." He twitched again and began doing something like a stationary jog. "Um...I should probably set them up to..." He ran off a top speed, leaving dust trails and the sounds of clattering knocked over gear behind him.  
  
Theo turned to Georgie-Pie, who rarely made girls cry with his attentions. "Need anything?"  
  
Georgie made no reply, of course. He was not "The Quiet One" for no reason. He placed his hands on his guitar, which made a sweet dulcet tone, a quiet grace note at the end.  
  
"You want more candy? Christ Georgie, it'll rot your teeth." She looked at the track marks left by Ginjie on the stage and reconsidered. 'Although, I think a sugar-high for a show is a little less dangerous than some other options." She checked her notebook. "Ok, coffee and candy. That's it?" All the heads in the room nodded. "OK, if you guys are good to go or what not, I'll run down to the corner store and pick them up, yes?"  
  
She left the club and headed down the dark alley next to the dirty building. Before anyone could follow her, she quickly Apparated into her hotel room to pick up some extra cash. She ran down the stairs, heading towards the street to get the badly needed band fuel when the clerk at the desk called her.  
  
"Theodora T. Gynokratia?"   
  
Theo turned and smiled. "That's me, can I help?"   
  
"Uh, yes," said the clerk, looking slightly befuddled. "A letter came for you. Not um, with the mail, it was some special delivery." He paused, thinking hard. "But I can't for the life of me remember how." He tapped the letter on the desk thoughtfully. "Did someone bring it in? I just..."  
  
Theo grabbed it. "Here, can I just take it?"  
  
"Oh," said the clerk, startled. "Of course. Well, have a nice day miss." He turned away to sort the rest of the mail, then abruptly turned back. "Did I see you come in?"  
  
Theo whirled around, a wide grin splitting her face, her wand in her hand. "Obliviate, dear." She walked out before any more questions were raised, and opened her letter.   
  
"Theo babe! I heard you were in town. I'll be at the show tonight at the Rock Lobster. Love, Gus P.S. I put a touch-release Memory Charm on this. Hopefully the clerk only picks this up once. Love ya babe!"  
  
Well, Augustus did want to see her. Theo grinned again, even wider. This would definitely make the evening more interesting. 


End file.
